


Puns are good for the soul

by amiesdeDorothee



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, Season 3a compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-26 15:12:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1692857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amiesdeDorothee/pseuds/amiesdeDorothee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noah is an Argent- Argents are one of the fiercest hunter clans out there. He has helped design numerous gadgets and gizmos to take down werewolves, and now he's been bitten. His one chance to survive is to track down a pair of Tarnished who have grown a weakness for werewolves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Noah Argent is the OC of BetaLaheyed.tumblr.com. This fic is inspired by her manips. If you'd like to expand on his Fanon, please ask her permission.

He hobbled down the highway, into the police station.

"Son, are you okay?"

"I was bit"

He _was_ bit. Blood seeped through his vest. He was light headed. Hopefully that meant he wouldn't survive the bite. It wasn't just a bite though, it was  _The_  Bite, an alpha's bite. He was so screwed. He had to leave, he knew the protocol -  _Les mordus sont deja morts. Il faut qu'ils ne souffrent pas._ The bitten are already dead, they mustn't suffer. He was hoping to put distance between his family and his transformation into the enemy.

"We'll git-cha help." The cop reassured in his Ap-pa-LATCH-an twang. "What's your name, son?"

He hadn't thought about this... He couldn't give his real name. He _could_ just not give a name. If he died, he would just be another John Doe, and if he lived, the name Argent would be useless to him anyways. However, he was still conscious so there was no reason not to give some form of identification. Argents weren't allowed to bring ID's on hunt for this very reason; he could use whatever name he wanted. Except Jacques Dupont or Peter Trappett, or any other name his family used. So, naturally, he picked one last pun to go out with a bang.

"Harry Wolff, sir" He hacked at the sir for sympathy effect, and, of course, to stem any questions on what kind of parent would be dumb enough to name their kid that.

"Git Jenkins in here with th' first aid. Tell him to start unwrappin' the gauze on the way. Willis, call dispatch and get an ambulance..." The haste of the police chief's delegation wasn't very soothing- wasn't supposed to be, but it was as good a lullaby as any to Noah Argent: werewolf, a contradiction in terms.

* * *

 

He woke up.

Damn it, he was awake.

Noah Argent was officially a werewolf, and there wasn't a fate worse than being a turned hunter. It didn't matter that most times a hunter was changed against his or her will, a werewolf who knew how hunters operate was a threat to the whole system. He had to leave the- where was he? A hospital, a hospital with a window he could leave through. He could disappear, find a place to live as a werewolf, but where? How would werewolves react to an to a turned hunter? Could they see the strategic value? or would their sense of revenge get the best of them? Better to not risk it, he had to find an emissary who could tell him where t- wait, would an emissary tell him where to go? Would a turned hunter upset their precious balance? He couldn't go to an emissary, which left one option. 

Ex-hunters, the Tarnished. Those who took up arms in defense of the monsters. The last Argent to be declared Tarnished was his uncle Cristophe, in California... Noah was in Ohio, 1,500 miles away. Well, hopefully Allison wasn't dead and hadn't change her number in two years. He needed a phone.

"Mister Wolff?" a black woman in Garfield scrubs and dreads opened the door.

"Yes, nurse?" Noah pushed himself up on his elbows.

"Don't do that." She said as she adjusted the bed to a slope that met Noah's back. She pushed him back on to the bed and said "I'm going to take your vitals, that means heart rate, blood pressure, the works. I need you to cooperate, can ya do that, hun?

"But I have the finger thingy"

"That's a pulse oximeter and it only does heart rate, Harry."

"Right, okay."

"This may squeeze a little." She told him, practiced sincere look in her eyes. She put on the cuff with a delicacy that could only be found in the Pediatric ward of a Hospital.

After the machine was done the nurse pulled a huge blue binder from the foot of the bed.

"Your blood pressures a bit high, are you in pain?"

"Kind of," And here's where he'd have to lie. He was already healed, he didn't feel a thing. "It's, like, a two"

"Describe it" she ordered.

"Achy, stings when I move."

"Do you have any allergies we should know about?"

"No, well, I used to be allergic to eggs"

"Are you _now_?"

"No, not really."

"Define not really."

"I once ate a bunch of scrambled eggs at a picnic and threw up."

"We all would have done the same, I'll be back in fifteen minutes, call me if you need me."

"Speaking of calling, can I call my cousin?"

"Is your cousin your next of kin?"

Noah shook his head, "My uncle"

"You can call him." She appraised his physical condition. "Can you walk?"

"I don't know if I want to."

"Use my cell" She said as she pulled a Samsung from the pocket with Odie on it, and she watched him dial. Crap, she was staying put. It's okay, it's okay, he's talked in code before. He can do this.

"Hello?"

"Uncle Chris?"

"This is my cell, Noah."

"Oh, Allison."

"Yes, Allison who else would it be?"

"So, uh, I need to talk to Uncle Chris"

"I'm not at home right now"

"He isn't home? Well, can you tell him when he gets home that he was right? I shouldn't have gone camping alone."

"What happened?" She almost,  _almost,_ managed to cover up her panic, and it was good of her to still care despite the family disowning her and her father.

"I got bit by something" This was the tricky part, conveying code for I'm a frakking werewolf without raising alarm "A bear, a _wolf_ , I don't know what, can you come get me? I'm at, um..." The nurse held out her badge, her name was Tina, "St Anthony's Hospital in Ironton, Ohio, that's just south of, uh," What was the name of the reserve the hunt was at? "Crown City."

"We'll be there tomorrow" She said all of the same determination she had last time they met

"Good, I wouldn't want Uncle Chris's record of punctuality to be  _tarnished"_  He hung up, looked at the nurse, and lied. "They'll be here tomorrow, we live in Lexington, I was here on vacation."


	2. Meet the family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles has doubts, Scott doesn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so begins my transfer of my tumblr fic to Archive of Our Own

"We’re looking at two options here Scott, kill him now or he kills us later"

"Stiles…" Scott sighed, he knew this was going to happen. he gets Stiles’s main goal in life is protecting family, but he just wishes Stiles wouldn’t plan Noah’s murder while he’s getting a drink. "Allison said he knew something important"

"What were her exact words, ‘cause maybe the important thing is a new method of _ **werewolf torture**_  and it’s important that only he knows it and if he dies wolfbane-boarding dies with him, ever think of that?!”

Scott listened to make sure Noah didn’t hear that. Sounded like he was trying to decide between Grapico and Gatorade. He was hoping that Stiles wold be satisfied by the time Noah came back.

"We barely know him! How do you know he doesn’t love werewolves?" Scott checked again, and it smelled like Noah decided on Gatorade, sounded like he was pacing in the kitchen, maybe he was looking for a cup.

"Scott, I love your relentless optimism, but he’s an Argent." Stiles punctuated this with gestures like a bow and arrow. Noah laughed, and Scott swung his head to see if he had snuck back into the living room.

"He’s got a point there Scott, but you can probably… uh, sniff out" Noah paused to laugh at his dorky pun, then continued, "why he’s wrong"

Scott furrowed his brow and took a deep breath. He’d thought he’d smelled Isaac before, but it could be that, Scott let out a scoff, Noah’s a werewolf.

Stiles noticed Scott’s distraction, and he pushed himself out of the chair and towards Scott “What is it, is that bastard taunting you from the kitchen?”

Noah chuckled again, it wasn’t meant to be mean-spirited, he just loved how much Stiles wanted to hate him. “Wow, he just doesn’t stop does he?”

"Stiles is just trying to make sure I’m safe." Scott said. Stiles eyebrows quirked up. He looked at Scott and gestured in lieu of saying "explain"

"I wish my parents loved me as much as Stiles loves you. They had already pulled out their guns by the time I was done saying ‘I got bit.’ Damn Code."

"How was your first full moon" Scott asked, turning to look at Stiles to watch his eyes grow big. "No," Stiles smiled "New ally?"

"Well I was hoping." Noah said,  walking into the living room with his Gatorade. He flashed his eyes yellow.


	3. Puns are the sincerest form of flirting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles apparently has two settings absolute hatred and flirting, at least those are the only two setting Noah has every experienced

"HEY, How you doing there, Tight-shirt?" Stiles winked. He fucking winked. That’s flirting. That’s flirting in Halifax, Virginia, so it’s gotta be flirting in Beacon Hills, California. How the hell did he go from possible murder victim to possible lay in- what two, three days? 

"Are you going to ignore me?" He threw an arm around Noah "Because with the name Argent, you’re already outcast by association. That means your choices are hang out with the crazies; Me, Scott, Allison and the others, or hang out with Greenberg"

"Can you stop, Stiles? Really, Just stop?" 

"Oh, hey, something wrong? I’m just trying to…" He looked almost lost. Stiles seemed to have one master plan and no alternatives, and his seduction technique wasn’t working. You could almost see him recalculating his approach. "I just… you know… wanna help you out. What are your classes, Man?"

"I have, uh, Chem II with A. Harris, hallway E, what’s that East?" 

"Nah, it’s alphabetical clockwise from the office, come on, I’ll walk you there" Stiles took the schedule, and started walking. "You should probably know that it’s Ms. Abernathy now, Harris is dead"

"What he die of?"

"An evil druid sacrificed him to gain the strength of a warrior, which was stupid because if anything she would have gotten the ability to sign a million detention slips in under an hour"

"When did that happen?"

"Three months ago, she used the power to kill a pack of alphas, and a," Stiles paused for dramatic effect and whisper-shouted "DEMON WOLF!"

"What the hell?"

"That’s what he called himself." Stiles shrugged.

"I don’t remember that being in our bestiary"

"Did you try under werepig, ‘cause he was a fucking ham"

 Noah broke into a fit a of laughter at that. He couldn’t help it. Bad puns were his Kryptonite. ” What did you use to slay him, soy bacon?”

"No, we scared him off by telling him we were planning a luau." Stiles retaliated.

"He sounds A-boar-ant"

"Oh yeah, He hogged all the attention. Even Charlotte was like, ‘Some pig…’s need to shut up’ "

"Ok, I surrender" Noah could barely breathe, he was laughing so hard.

"You brought this on yourself, Argent"

"Yeah, I know, but hey, on the bright side, all those pig puns are making you a Babe"

"Really?" Stiles voice squeaked. 

"Oh, yeah, puns are the VIP entrance to my heart" This was fun, and if Stiles was all in, so was Noah.

Stiles just kind of stared at Noah the rest of the way down to Harris/Abernathy’s classroom.

"Well, um… we’re here, Chem II, guess you’re going to go" He smirked "get your Bore-on"

"I happen to like chemistry, Stilinski" Noah walked past Stiles with a false air of indignation.

"No, I meant, uh, like Boron, atomic number 5, next to carbon" Stiles tried to rattled off as much chemistry knowledge as possible to save face. "Um, first atom to have a sigma bond" Noah could get addicted to breaking through that terrible "cool boy" act Stiles was trying to pull off, but hopefully one day he wouldn’t have to.

"I know what you meant, but I have to Medel-Leave you now" This time Noah winked. Noah Blaise Argent fucking winked. That is flirting.


	4. Complications

Today is not a good day. Noah hasn’t seen Stiles- not that he needs him, it’s just, of the entire pack, Stiles is the most friendly. Of course Stiles’s absence isn’t the issue, the real issue is that Isaac has been tailing him all day. Apparently, Isaac not only forgot that Noah is also a werewolf and a born hunter.

From day one post bite, Noah has been cataloging scents and studying how they disperse and Isaac’s scent is everywhere it shouldn’t be. It’s by Noah’s locker, despite, the fact that only Stiles and he have lockers in the B hallway and all of Isaac’s classes are in the C and F hallways, and he swears that as he left Ms. Abernathy’s room, he saw Isaac waiting down the hall to follow him.

Then again, maybe it’s just hunters’ paranoia. After all, Isaac probably has better things to do, like have sexual tension with everyone in the pack, like seriously, he’s pretty sure he saw Isaac eyeing up Uncle Chris, gross. Maybe he was talking with Stiles at his locker, and his scent wafted down to Noah’s.  He’s only had these power for a month so he’s in the, heh, beta testing phase.

Ah well, practice makes perfect. Noah sniffed the air and listened for Isaac’s breathing, which is a bit shifty, jumping at the slighted provocation. He heard someone rushing toward him. No, -damn hunters’ paranoia- in his direction. Then, a hand on his shoulder. Out of reflex he threw the bastard into the lockers.

"Okay, Lahey this is getting damn annoying. If Scott told you to keep an eye on me, maybe try befriending before stalking”

"Sounds like you’ve been busy since you left, pup" The man said flashing his eyes an icy blue.

"Noah!" Isaac screamed. Guess he finally caught up. "Who the hell is this?" Oddly calm considering Noah has the man pinned on a wall. Maybe life in Beacon Hills isn’t going to be so great.

"This isn’t Peter?" Noah asked.

"No, Peter’s creepier, and with a full head of hair." Isaac said. "Also, maybe you should put him down people are staring" He point to the people expecting a fight, already pulling out their damn iPhone. 

Noah let the man go and most of the crowd that had gathered disbursed.

"I am offended you don’t recognized a member of your own pack. Alpha’s wondering where you’ve been, Argent."

"Our alpha’s name is Scott McCall," said Isaac. Suddenly, he looked very diplomatic, but he smelled like adrenaline. "What’s yours?"

"My alpha’s, or mine?"

"Either, let’s start with yours, get to know each other." Isaac’s suave act was… kind of impressive

"My name is Loris, of the O’Daley Pack, our alpha is Evelyn O’Daley"

"Well, Loris, this Omega sought us out for…" Isaac froze. "um."

"Asylum." Noah provided.

"Look, I know your pack’s young. You barely have any members, so let me teach you about American werewolf politics. Betas are property of their pack. You have just stolen from a pack of thirty-three, and we’re pissed."

"Oh." Isaac was done for. He’d used all his charisma in one go and now he was shrinking. Noah was going to be dragged back to Ohio and shot by his little cousins. "So, is there any way to peaceably transfer betas between packs? Perhaps by marriage or because they wish to move?”

"Not in my pack. He’s an O’Daley, c’mon kid." Loris shoved Noah and Isaac just. lost. it. He threw Loris down the hall and out the door into the courtyard.

"He’s a McCall." Isaac said bluntly, barely holding back his fangs. 

Loris smiled, apparently he found their resistance charming. “Fine, then, a duel. I’m on your turf, so you get to name the place.”

"There’s an old bank in town that folded, it’s one of our training grounds."

"I’ll find it. See you there, Argent" Loris grinned- like a serial killer to be honest- at Noah. Then, he got up and walked away.


	5. A Night of Academics, right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Until the fight the pack is watching Noah in shifts. First shift- Lydia

Lydia was waiting, waiting to feel that stabbing pain that built until it seemed to split her sternum, then dropped into the pit of her gut and forced out that ear splitting death knell that was apparently the key to her psychic powers.She was waiting to scream. Maybe then she’d be able to stop dreading Saturday with such unbridled fatalism. It would make her a much better hostess.

Honestly, one of her best friend- no, probably her best friend- only girl friend after she went crazy and ran around the Preserve for two days- was counting on her to keep her cousin safe, and she wasn’t really giving off an aura of safety. Not that Noah noticed. No, he was giddy in a way that rivaled Scott when he first met Allison. It must be nice to be impervious to fear.

"So like does your mom buy these in Milan, or is this, like, from Kohl’s?" Noah had her satchel from J-Crew. "It smells like pleather so-"

"You should be a lot more anxious." Lydia said with a face that said ‘contradict and see what happens’

"Yeah, I know, but I’ve been practicing with Allison, and I think I can adapt my hand to hand style to compensate for claws" Right, he’s a hunter. Perhaps hunters build up a natural immunity to adrenaline after all the staged kidnappings by their parents. "Plus, have you seen our pack? Most packs just have Betas and maybe one stray non-shifter. We have; a banshee, a kitsune, our betas, hunter allies, an emissary who could make an alpha whimper by looking at them, and a True Alpha. Have faith.”

"You’re not in the least bit scared for your life? Because I could at any moment, scream and you’d know you were dead." Wow, that was heavy. She could pretend to be bubbly, but she wanted to learn the psyche of a hunter. It wasn’t her fault. Human nature has both a preoccupation with death and a predilection to wonder about it, so does ignoring the self-preservation instinct make you inhuman? Here’s a perfect specimen and 3 hours to kill before next shift.

"But you haven’t yet, have you?" Noah flopped down on the bed, then leaned forward, waiting for a response.

"No," Lydia replied slowly. "but I will. Someone is going to die in the fight”

"Not if we win. Scott ‘n’ I would kill anyone, and I don’t think Derek would without Scott’s approval."

"A valid point, but the flaw in it is; you are assuming by not having screamed yet, I will not scream" This was going to take time, hunters are so thick-headed.

"And you’re assuming that you will, what’s the difference? What’s on your iPod?" Noah was shifting trough the magazines on her nightstand and had found her old iPod Touch from before she got an iPhone.

"Old songs. My argument does not exclude the possibility of it happening."

"So, you think you will. I think you won’t. Until it can be observed, it both is and is not inevitable. Very Schrodinger."

"No, That’s not Schrodinger at all, that’s barely Planck." Lydia looked physically hurt that her debate partner just said something so stupid.

"You got me, I don’t know physics, it’s a tragedy" He was only half paying attention because he had found a song

"A true tragedy, not everyone can be as smart as me. What are you playing?"

"Dogs Day, Florence + the Machine"

"You just love your puns."

"My only weakness not involving cute boys" He smiled.

"It sure involves Stiles" Lydia had meant to say it under her breath, but then she realized she was talking to a werewolf. Why the hell not; Noah just casually came out, so why not explore the subject?

"Oh, the twofer!" he exclaimed. He clasped his hands and shook them in a prayer of thanksgiving as he said "a cute boy who can make puns," His smile sobered and he looked Lydia dead in the eye. "I didn’t stand a chance."

"When’s your shift with him?"

"Overnight" Noah whispered, somewhat embarrassed about how excited he was to see a guy who was really only his friend.

Lydia just smiled and said matter-of-fact, ”Scott is quite the wingman”

"You think he did it on purpose?" Noah’s expression was adorably hopeful.

"I think Stiles probably volunteered himself and Scott couldn’t say no"

"He volunteered?" Noah asked "You think, so. Wait, is Stiles actually gay?" Lydia wanted to laugh at how late in the game Noah was still thinking about the possible heterosexuality of his crush. However, she knew from Danny that that was pretty damn normal.

"Stiles doesn’t fall under gay or straight, so I think you’ve got a shot"

"Only a shot?"

"More than a shot."

"More?" Noah asked. Oh God, she was going to have to spell it out.

"I know from experience that if Stiles is interested in something he learns everything about it, and that includes people. In fourth grade, he spent four hours talking to my mom about my favorite things. Last Saturday, while you were training with Scott and Derek, he spent two hours pumping Allison for information about you."

"Awesome" Noah smiled the goofy, lovesick smile Lydia knew all too well from Scott’s Allison days. "So did you and he ever date?"

"Never, he’s all yours to spoil and deflower to your heart’s content."

"LYDIA!"

"Oh please, like you aren’t thinking of using tonight to the best of your advantage."

"I wasn’t going to say it out loud"

"The Martin House is a judgement-free-zone. I don’t care if you want to whip him until he can’t stand, that’s your business and nothing to be ashamed of."

Noah blushed. Lydia laughed. All in all, the next three hours were less scientific and a lot more fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is as far as I have on my Tumblr so hopefully I can get these next chapters in a timely fashion


End file.
